Ok, I've been told this story needs a bit of an introduction. So here goes. Many of you may be aware that one of Chris' ultimate goals in life is to obtain a nickname. For reasons unknown he has never had one. There have been many attempts to come up with one for him but none have ever taken. After all, he is a perfect "Chris." When I met him this was somewhat of a running joke between all the guys. Chris was the only one in the group without a nickname and they were constantly trying to come up with one. Well, Chris was outraged when I joined the group and had a nickname within a day (Walker, Texas Ranger). I have since obtained several more. Chris has now taken matters into his own hands and keeps trying to nickname himself. Of course the practice of self-nicknaming is strictly prohibited (regulation outlined below) and he knows this. This is the story of his most recent scheme. Should anyone have suggestions for an appropriate nickname, please feel free to submit them in an email and I'll submit a list to the committee for approval. Love, Rhe___________________________________________________________________
Home Maker Six,
I have just been informed that I am to "dub" Chris with a nickname. Of course, as you can imagine, my mind is instantly flooded with possibilities. However, I was also informed that I have only two choices in the matter: "Fox" or "Moulder". I am confident that you know the source of these choices and rationale behind them. Now, I must confess . . . I addressed the "source" with certain inconsistencies between the persona of the character mentioned and the persona of the "source". However, the "source" became indignant and was steadfast in his belief that he shared some of the characteristics of his new hero. (I think we both know better, but I try not to discourage the child.)
As I am aware that you possess veto power over any/all decisions, I humbly submit these two choices for your consideration.
P.S. I don't want to hear that this memo did not cross your desk!
Mongo
SA Travis Gregory
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Mongo,
I am in receipt of the attached memo. However, I must inform you that Regulation 05-42937 section 2a clearly states, "an individual may not under any circumstances designate a nickname for their own person." According to Section 2b, "Nor is it acceptable to design a list of names and submit them to a third party for approval under the ruse that the third party is actually designating the name."
You can clearly see that the request you received is in clear violation of both these clauses and therefore I must deny your petition.
The party in question has attempted this scheme numerous times and is fully aware of the specifications outlined in this regulation. I understand that he has always strongly desired a nickname and have attempted on many occasions to pool our resources to come up with an authorized nickname. Unfortunately, to date no one has found one that fits or sticks.
You mentioned that when originally approached with the prospect of designating a nickname for "chris" your mind instantly flooded with possibilities. You are more than welcome to submit a list of your own creations for approval. All submissions must be of your own design and will be submitted to the committee for review and possible approval.
Regarding the fact that the personality of the party in question does not match or fit the two names he suggested, I would have to agree. Therefore, even if this petition was not in violation of Regulation 05-42937 I would still not have approved either name.
I would like to thank you for bringing this matter to my attention and wish you all the luck with future submissions. Should you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Rhea Jo Fernholz
"Home Maker-6"
HQ-3531 SB
Rineyville, KY
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Home Maker-6,
Thank you for your prompt attention in this matter and clarification on the technical issues. I have long suspected that "chris" has been trying to skirt applicable regulations in this matter. My first clue is usually when he asks me to post something (for him), or e-mil something (for him). In my opinion he is a gross violator and subject to whatever discipline you deem as appropriate.
I will ponder the matter and endeavor to reduce the list to a manageable level before submitting for your review.
On a separate matter, I asked "chris" to respectfully submit a request on my behalf for travel pertaining to another investigation. I fear he may have been overcome in his enthusiasm in his latest attempts to obtain a nickname of his own choosing. I, unlike some, strictly adhere to regulations.
Lastly, is there a reference guide pertaining to applicable regulations? I am under no illusions as to my current "source".
Always respectfully,
Mongo
SA Travis Gregory
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You guys suck!
Fox Moulder
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Mongo,
I am glad you have come to the realization that while a stickler for rules that others must obey, when it comes to himself "chris" has somewhat of a blatant disregard for regulations. I have been dealing with this for several years now and indeed feel he could be considered a gross violator. My absence this year has only emboldened his endeavors. I trust that since you are now fully aware of the situation you will help me keep him in full compliance. Any violations should be immediately reported and the appropriate discipline will be issued upon his return.
On the separate issue of authorized travel, you are correct, that request was not appropriatly submitted by "chris." I would also assume that the new self-nickname scheme has preoccupied his mischievous mind. I have now received the request. However, I do not have the authority to approve such requests on my own. I will need to forward it to the Committee of Authorized Mission Travel for a vote. My background does enlighten me on the fact that the required information regarding the travel could not be provided in enough time to get preauthorization. Therefore I am sure that "chris" will make the trip and it will be noted as a violation to Regulation 04-89263 Section 3 which states, "All prohibited travel must be requested in advance on form DF 673 to the Committee of Authorized Mission Travel for approval." Section 2 of said Regulation also states that, "Under no circumstance is Christopher Fernholz to volunteer for any mission, travel, or activity." While Section 1 reads, "Christopher Fernholz is NEVER, under any circumstances to leave his secure room for the duration of the deployment."
As you can see, even travel that is appropriately requested is in direct violation of Section 1. Therefore even if approved it will be recorded as a violation and the appropriate discipline will be issued upon his return.
As to your last inquiry regarding a reference guide to applicable regulations, I have to be honest; I have been married to "chris" for 7 years and 7 months during which I have been forced to write numerous regulations. These are of course in addition to those written by Committee Members Eisler, Awtrey, Fernholz, and Bihlear which all remain effective as well. Due to the sheer amount of documentation, I feel it would simply be easier to contact me regarding possible violations. I will at that time be able to tell you whether the act is indeed a violation and provide the appropriate Regulation and Section numbers. This will also ensure that I am immediately notified of noncompliance.
I wish you all the luck and sincerely look forward to working with you.
Sincerely,
Rhea Jo Fernholz
"Home Maker-6"
HQ-3531 SB
Rineyville, KY
